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Thank you to everyone for commenting and providing feedback on this little tale. My intention is to tidy it up and look at getting it published. Please feel free to contact me directly if you have any queries: davenader@yahoo.com
David T Myers 
Wow. This was great. I’ll post full feedback on the NYC forums, but wow. You did a great job with this. I love the twist ending. Perfect.
Thanks for your feedback. I loved yours.